Our Giants Go With Us…

As I am embarking on this new adventure, being freshly on my own…I find myself pausing regularly asking myself what I want to do. What do I want to read? Where do I want to go? Who do I want to go with?

With no “other” to consult, as there has been for so many years, I am left to decide what to do  - not from a place of concession as it has been for so long, a place where two wills and two preferences come together and muddy up dreams – but rather I am having to make decisions purely based upon what pleases myself.  Such a difficult, first-world predicament to find myself in.

And there are a few things that are crystal clear to me: My appetite for reading is currently insatiable, as is my appetite for traveling and new adventures.  Oh and I kind of like running (I like eating MORE than running, so running has become to eating what work is to vacation…a inescapable, pestering siamese twin)…and more than running, the thrill of a race.

…And so it is from this place of re-self-discovery that I begin my plans for 2014.

More racing.

More reading.

And traveling….as much as possible!

Aside from making plans on what I want to do with my time and the stories that I want to fill my head with, I am focusing on a few intrinsic goals as well:

Researching Joy.  The kind that wells up from within like a perpetual spring, regardless of where you lay your head, that is dependent upon no special time or place or circumstance, dependent upon no relationship except the relationship we share with our own mind and body and the Spirit that is put within us.  That relationship, I believe is also a bit of a love-triangle struggle with God.  He is that Spirit within us.

Emerson said it best: “He who travels to be amused or to get somewhat which he does not carry, travels away from himself…He carries ruins to ruins. Travelling is a fools paradise…there beside me is the stern fact, the sad self, unrelenting, identical, that I fled from…I affect to be intoxicated with sights and suggestions, but I am not intoxicated.  My giant goes with me wherever I go.”

Joy is found within, not without. And the joyful can also embrace solitude. To not feel alone when alone.  To feel and be whole unto oneself.

And I want to feel that confidently.

Repositioning Positivity. One of my favorite new mantras is one that is a bit of a bastardized version of a much longer, wordier quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson that I personally simplified into “Inexhaustible Hope is an Immortal Youth.”

(And just in case you are that curious/ purist scholar, the original quote is “We judge of a man’s wisdom by his hope, knowing that the perception of the inexhaustibleness of nature is an immortal youth.” from Emerson’s essay titled “Spiritual Laws”)

I strongly believe life is about perspective.  A miserable life is one where regardless of one’s circumstance, they believe that they are inevitably on the receiving end of the universe’s port-o-potty.  A happy life…a fulfilled life…a joyful and thusly complete life, I TRULY believe…is one where regardless of one’s circumstance, they find gratitude and hope in every day. And because of that inlying gratitude and hope, they share and exchange that positivity with others and a communion is born where we bring out the best in each other.

I believe that we all are a mixture of both…but what defines us is which mindset is allowed by us to take over more often…

I find myself too often believing that the Universe is hovering over me like a giant port-o-potty. Mostly when I have neglected to acknowledge EVERYTHING I have to be grateful for. Mostly when I let the influence of others’ negativity in, when I listen to naysayers or start comparing what I have to others.  This is a losing battle and we all know it. But unlike the perpetual Eeyore’s…I don’t WANT that for myself. I WANT to be more and more grateful and positive.

Respecting Silence. I have barely sat still or sat quietly in so long and now I have all of this time to myself in the evenings.  Time that was once spent with another (or with many others while marathon training) is now a vacant, quiet time and space. But I have come to believe that it’s good to sit by yourself in a quiet room every once in a while. Its GOOD to let the world crash in on you a little bit.  In that silence, you can hear yourself. You can allow yourself to hear the words of others. You can explore your heart and your mind.