It’s Just Head Games
“You need to keep some mystery and intrigue in the relationship.”
Not every scenario in which this statement is used applies to this conversation. Mystery and intrigue in and of themselves can be exciting. But as a generality, society seems to think this is true because society would encourage you to play emotional games in order to position yourself within a relationship into a place of power over another.
…Trying to make your partner miss you or wonder where you are or guess as to who you are with…
…Wanting someone to be jealous for you…
…Holding back thoughts and feelings (when you say you are doing it to protect them, but it’s really to protect yourself)…
WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.
Mystery and intrigue are a precarious and dangerous game that serve as platforms for distrust.
Instead, try VULNERABILITY… putting yourself out there and giving even despite not being given back to. These are the most courageous things you can do in a relationship. You are handing over your power to someone else.
“Vulnerability here does not mean being weak or submissive. To the contrary, it implies the courage to be yourself. It involves uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” Excerpt from Psychology Today Blog
To put it into context:
It’s not easy to invite someone when you know they are going to say no. But you should do it anyway…putting aside what it will do to you in potentially being rejected in exchange for what it will do to them in definitively being included.
It’s not easy to share your feelings when you are not sure how they will be received…it’s perpetually putting your heart on the butcher’s block…putting aside what it will do to you in being vulnerable in exchange for what it will do for another in being trusted.
People need to stop buying into the head games. All they do is cause cycles of damage and distrust leaving a wake of ruined relationships.