This isn’t goodbye: it is a despondent, lethargic fading away.
I loved you. And you loved me back, as best as you knew how.
And I thought you came to love me because I was lucky. I thought you loving me made me special.
But I didn’t realize that I had the power to attract love all along. That love doesn’t come into our lives like a shooting star or a winning lottery ticket. You attract love by giving love. I was beaming my acceptance and readiness into the void of the universe and you were in my path. And you, as unready as you were, were unable to ignore it. Because people beaming with abandon into the void is uncommon. Not because they don’t have the capacity but because they allow fear and selfishness to prohibit it.
I didn’t think I was ready for (and not sure that I wanted) a relationship after what I had been through, but I was flinging my entire being andabsolute faith into the universe hoping that it would find some dusty corners to stick to.
But the Universe does not have corners. All things that come into contact in the Universe do so through collision.
I had been extinguished, burnt out, used up. But God gave me new hope and a new light and so I started beaming again… and my light collided with your window.
And you let it illuminate your entire room by drawing back the curtains. Problem is, you never invited it to come into your room. You left the light as an outsider so that you could close or draw back the curtains whenever you so desired. You consumed the light and continued to enjoy all of the benefits that the light would bring you: warmth, happiness, companionship, love. The problem is that you took from the light but never gave it fuel. And then you wonder what happened when it burnt out. Don’t be angry at the light for burning out, it gave all it had. Don’t rage into the dark about how you had a storehouse of fuel waiting for the light if only the light was patient.
Next time you have a light beaming into your path: I hope you open your windows. I hope you bring it into your room and remember to give it fuelbefore it burns out.
Someone will find me…no, collide into me…from within this vast universe. And my light…dim as it may be left after being used up…will be fueled to brightness once again. This, I believe.